As you may have already known, I've been quite caught up with a few things this week viz exams, parties, new subject, preparatory work, court visits, job applications and OLPAS applications, which explains my lack of updates.
I've just read some pretty dramatic blogposts online and I can somehow relate to that. Basically, the story is of how someone wrote something, intending it to be a joke, but ending up hurting someone. It's a common issue and so happened I encountered this similar problem recently.
I've always been aware that I'm a loud, too-outspoken-for-my-own-good person. Since an incident when I was 13, I found out I was too blunt and way too much into myself. I had to consciously remind myself to be considerate and think twice before making a comment.
Unfortunately, it's never easy to change and after all these years, I'm still struggling to be a better person. Less vicious, more polite, more respect for others and more grateful. I always find myself regretting the things I said to others at the end of the day before I go to bed and wished I've just kept quiet. Sometimes, I succeed in shutting my big mouth but most of the time, I fail.
At those times when I fail, I hurt the people most important to me. Worse, I don't realise the mistake I made till it's too late. You see, people don't really tell you: "Do you know what you did was horrible?" Instead, we choose to distance ourselves from that horrible person and keep it in our hearts. Consequently, the friendship fails. I admit, I am guilty of that too. That's why, I always strive to forgive those who treated me awful because I believe they were not aware of it and I know I was guilty too.
But I'm very glad, that since 13, I've met honest and daring friends who are willing to risk the comfortable friendship and point out my faults. It's always difficult to swallow my weaknesses. It's difficult to acknowledge that "I am that horrible person". But it's true, there are many times in my life, that I was the horrible person. And the only way to change it is to acknowledge and repent.
I sincerely thank my dear friends who guided me through my faults and moulded me into a better person. It's through them that I am who I am. I would not have come this far if not for you. Please continue to confront me. I appreciate it very much because I know the reason you do it is because you love me and want to be my friend. And I want to be you to be mine too.
XOXO
